Web Of Oneness

Have you ever met someone who glowed from the inside out? A few months back, I went into the pet store with my son to get dry cat food for our three, not so little felines. A woman in a wheelchair was returning some items and she had a little dog with her. She spoke to my son and I, and just radiated warmth and goodness. I don't remember much of what she said but I remember being awestruck by her kindness. In fact, it was not anything specific that she DID. It was simply her being that was so wonderful and powerful. I am STILL deeply struck by the power of her being. Most of the time we are not able to feel that in each other. But each of us is like that deep down, even if we let it get obscured by being too absorbed in the world. And most of the time we walk around in a trance of separation because we are unable to peel away the layers beneath that presence masquerading as a person that is sitting next to us. How would we act if we really believed that everything was truly one?

Take a moment and breath slowly. How would you be if you believed everything were one; that everything beside you was a part of that which was most beloved by you; that "YOU" were not limited to a body or your thoughts. What if everything was just a projection created by you so that you could see yourself and behold your own beauty in all its many forms. How would you act when that speeding driver cut in front of you? How would you act towards that homeless man out on streets in the cold? What would you do when your co-worker said something cruel about another co-worker? How would you be with your elderly parent ? Would you raise your voice with your child? How would you treat mother earth? What foods would you eat? After all, each of these seemingly different forms would be a part of you. I don't mean to suggest there are pat answers to these questions or even that one answer is correct and another is wrong. In some ways the actual answers don't matter. It is more to get in touch with the connection among all. If you can connect to that place - I wonder what kind of world would arise out of you.

For me, what happens is there is an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I am blown away by the fact that I am even here or that anything else could be either. I deeply feel the miracle of existence and the fact that everything I have ever done, seen, touched, felt, thought, possessed, enjoyed, disliked, or wondered about is dependent on every single other thing. This moment could never be without all the other moments that preceded it. I owe "my" life to each and every person as well as everything there is. What is, is because of the totality of all else. I am because of this desk. I am because of you and outward it goes. I feel unending gratitude for the chair that is holding up my bottom. I feel awe at the mind that created the computer that allows me to type what I am writing. I look out my window and marvel at the thousands of snowflakes - each different than the next and as the zen saying goes, falling into its own proper place. I feel grateful for my aching cold feet and warm cup of Chai tea.

We need each other. Like a heart needs the lungs and lungs need the kidneys and they all need the head, we all need each other. It is easy to feel isolated and disconnected. Many of our modern habits lend themselves toward alienation from each other and trances of separation. But occassionally we come across people who remind us of the goodness that we all are. They can be powerful forces even as they "do" very little. Sometimes all it takes to be that glowing person is a simple smile or being grounded in oneself. The ripple effect can be enormous because if you believe life is one infinite web, then a twang of one thread affects a multitude of others, and ultimately its all one.

Opening and Closing

Awakening is the process of continually opening. It is the process of love claiming all. It is paradoxically already complete and at the same time blossoming. In my own life it is interesting to see the places that I contract. It is interesting to note the places where I am not open or feel a pull to close. It is interesting to feel them in my gut or throat or shoulders. Sometimes I will try to defend a mental position as if that position were somehow imbued with a little part of myself, and I guess to my ego it is. It is also funny when I can look back and think - how odd that I took that idea or situation to be so serious. Two places that have been wonderfully illustrious to me recently have been my relationship with my sweetie and my work.


Oh, yes, I got a job. It is very intense at my new job. People's expectations of me are very high. During the day I am often knotted inside, too much afraid of the ways that I might fail. One antidote of course, is riveting myself on the actual task at hand. If I am knotted, I am likely too focused on the future and not enough in the present moment. It helps to remind myself to dwell there as often as I can. Sometimes just the sipping of a cup of tea at my desk can remind me to come home.


It is also interesting, to witness my identity dissolving. The dissolution is sometimes awkward and uncomfortable. The contraction inside, the knotted place, is oddly helpful, it shows me where my ego is still invested. My ego still finds it important to be seen as an intelligent, competent person. It still fears failing and creates a story of "but what if. . . ." But who would I be if I did not excel at my job? The contraction is the gap between the truth which my heart knows and the pull of the illusion which suggests that I need to be special through my intelligence to matter to the world. Does this mean that I should suddenly stop trying to excel at work or that something is wrong if one is smart or any other "desirable" quality. No, not at all, it simply means that to the extent I tie my identity to those qualities, when I am so much more than them, I will be closed off and suffer. Remember, you are both all and nothing.


I am glad that I no longer for the most part make an enemy out of my contractions. Instead I try to let them be or embrace them with a little love. A little empathetic curiosity goes a long way. Don't make a foe out of them. They are signals that can allow you to open further if you are willing to hear what they have to say. With my sweetie, I have discovered perhaps for the first time, the real beauty of relationship. She is a crystal mirror for me. She reflects back to me who I still believe I am. If we "fight" it is the perfect opportunity for me to discover where I am not transparent. It is the perfect chance to see where I am still invested in again creating a story of "me" or in being something special or of being right. We defend ourselves because deep down we are trying to convince 0urselves of something. One only defends, or attempts to feel special or needs to be right when one isn't aligned with the truth that they are. When we are aligned with that truth there is nothing we need to prove. My relationship with my sweetie is such a gift because it gives me such a deep opportunity to open, or to see where I still feel my limitations. Where in your life do you contract?

So what is "open"? What does it mean? Well for a definition I suggest you check in with your own heart. It is a good compass for what is open and what is not. When I am open such a sweet tenderness exists. Open is the outpouring of love. It is connection with and compassion for. It is alignment with truth. The invitation is always there but I am not always courageous enough to rest there. But even still, all is well for, love claims it all. It never goes away, even if you are not open to it and remained closed at that moment. There are always more chances to open, to love.

Chasing Experiences

Many of us spend our lives chasing experiences. We think if we accumulate enough of the right experiences, we will be happy or if we could find that perfect experience that would last forever, we would be fulfilled. But seeking a new or different experience to satiate something in ourselves will ultimately leave us unsatisfied. Why is that? It is because we are complete without any experience. We do not need to "do" anything to reside in the so-called kingdom of heaven. In fact, sometimes "doing" gets in the way.

A second related part is that seeking a different experience than the current one is to reject current reality. Often, if we look deeply enough, we are seeking that different experience to fulfill a belief in a story of who we are.

WHY do you need anything different than what you have at this moment?

I am rich so I have money. I am smart so I speak well or solve problems well. I am ugly, so few people find me attractive. They are all stories we tell ourselves, in which we believe and then seek out experiences in relationship to that story. If I told you you are nothing and that so am I, and so we all are, how would you feel? The degree of your resistance is the degree to which you are shackled.

You are also everything, every iota.

What if we embraced each moment as it appeared? For example, if you were feeling sad, could you embrace the sadness fully. Where would you feel it? What color would it be? What shape would it be? How big would it be? What would it be trying to tell you? I suspect that when many people encounter sadness in their life, an attitude of " this should not be here exists" They meet the sadness with further injury by condemning it and themselves. Arguing with reality IS suffering. The more we are able to meet that experience with love the more it can dissolve into the nothing that it is too.

Recently, in my own meditations, I noticed that I was seeking rather than resting. A few weeks ago I had a particularly wonderful meditation and I found myself clinging to that experience. I found myself trying to recreate it rather than just letting my moment to moment experience just be. It created suffering. Even within our spritual "practice" we can chase experiences. When we achieve a particular state of bliss or happiness through meditation or listening to a satsang do we find 0urselves yearning to recreate that experience in our lives? Do we become atttached to finding that state again rather than resting in whatever state we are in? I am not saying that we should not have experiences that are blissful or wonderful or surround ourselves with "things" that we enjoy, but do you realize that for anything you enjoy the source of that happiness rests not in that activity or object but actually in you. Only love is real and you are love. It is the love that you bring to "it" that makes all the difference. It is the true seeing of whatever "it" is that makes it beautiful or exciting or wonderful. Everything just wants to be seen. In fact, the most fundamental act of love may be really seeing something. All "things" just "want" to be noticed for what they are. Our experiences are no different. When we chase experiences, we reject the present moment. Its like we are saying this moment is not good enough. I want the next. Its as though we are not capable of giving love to this moment. For any "difficult experience" can you try to give it love too?

Experiment: "Experiment with giving love" to every experience that appears in your life. Can you notice the experience? What happens to the experience after you notice it? What happens when you sit with it without clinging to it, trying to turn it into something else or pushing it away?

There is story within Buddhism that even after the Buddha became enlightened he would still be visited by the demon tempter Mara but Buddha would simply invite Mara to tea. This is a wonderful and loving image. For any experience that is supposedly "negative" can you invite it to tea. This poem by Rumi also captures the idea of not running from our experiences The Guest House


But isn't this a way of thinking paralyzing? How would you ever extract yourself from an unhealthy or dangerous situation?

Accepting the moment, or giving love to the moment does not mean that you cannot act. For instance let us say that someone has been physically abusing you in a relationship. Accepting the moment does not mean you are are "ok" with the person hitting you. It means that you deeply acknowledge that the reality IS that that person has been hitting you. That act in and of itself could take an enormous amount of courage and acceptance of the present moment. It could mean a deep acknowledgent of one's own present moment feelings towards the situation. It means, you deeply notice what has been transpiring and you take action from that place; including removing yourself from your circumstances.


Everything changes from moment to moment. It is born, lives and passes away. The more we can be blown by this silent wind, and not chase after some experience which will not satisfy us anyway, the more we can surrender to this moving current, paradoxically, the more joyful we will find ourselves.

Connections

Someone a few years back made a picture frame for me that said "Ambassador of Goodwill". What a wonderful sentiment. I say that not because I am special but because I want everyone who comes in contact with "me" to come away a little richer. We can all be ambassadors of goodwill. We can all be instruments of peace and love. If we are not here to love and enrich each others lives, then what are we here for?

For me, going to run errands has taken on new meaning. The grocery store is filled with opportunities to connect with the world's wonderful denizen. The connection does not have to be much, most of the time its just a beaming smile, but I look to feel the essence of each individual I meet. I look to meet them as a field of compassionate space that says we are all notes in this this wonderful symphony called life. We are all so precious. We are all here so briefly. Consciousness has chosen us to express itself and it is beautiful each and every time. Why not discover that someone masquerading as a person next to you. The funny thing about it is that I come away with so much energy from these encounters. There is synergy when souls connect by playing together in the world of form.

I have been spending a lot of time looking for employment. It can be dim. There are hours in front of the computer pouring over job sites and writing applications. Sometimes I schedule some of these errands and I watch my whole energy system change. The other day at the grocery store, I struck up a wonderful conversation with an "elderly" gentleman. I was standing not quite clearly in line and he entered the line not really seeing me. I let him go ahead and a little while later he asked if he had cut ahead. I said not at all. He then noticed a display of eggs on sale and we wondered together whether they would be cheaper than the one's he had in his cart. I remember being filled with so much joy just standing there next to this man and chatting. He paid for his things and thanked me in front of the cashier for letting him go ahead in the line. The cashier responded we have such nice people in our store.

Well, we are all like that. We all want happiness. We all want connection and love. Several days later the fates were reversed when a woman went out of her way to help me figure out how to negotiate the computerized parking attendant.

It is easy to think that because we read about so much hurt and pain, that people are hateful or evil but that is just the easy way out. We want to write people off because then we don't have to face the depth of the grief that is before us when people commit horrible acts. Our hearts want to close down in the face of such pain. We can pretend that "those" people just are in another category that is not like us. In reality they are like us but for which seeds have been watered. They are just unconscious. When someone is so constricted internally that they believe they will acheive happiness by inflicting pain on someone else, it is deeply sad. It is sad for both the "victim" and the "perpetrator". I call your attention to an absolutely beautiful poem by Thich Nhat Hanh that gracefully captures that tension of our interconnectedness called "Please Call Me By My True Names"

There is only one. Its like all of life is one breathing, pulsing organism, with different parts making up one body. One person is a leg, another an liver, another still a lung, but we all are part of the same oneness. Without each other we would not thrive. We are all looking to connect with each other. Can you sense your connectedness to "other" manifestations of that oneness? Breathe deeply and tell me what your heart says? Tell me a story about when and where you felt connected. It will probably make you feel good.

Fear

The other night in a knee jerk reaction, I dismissed my sweetie. I did not like how I reacted. When I act in these hurtful ways I am not coming from a place of expansiveness. My sweetie had texted me and asked if I would take notes for other parents who could not attend a class that was offered through my son's day care. I told her that I would take notes and share them with other parents. Well, the class did not really lend itself to taking notes. When my sweetie asked if I had taken the notes, I summarily dismissed her. I did not simply say that although I had taken notes, they were not easily shared, my attitude made her wrong for even suggesting the idea in the first place.

I want to be the compassionate space for the world to exist around me. What gets in the way? What prevents me from being the loving space that lets things arise around me? In this case, I think it was an initial resistance to the task in the first place. It was an initial resistance born of fear. I do not see myself as a particularly good note taker and I suspect that I feared that my competence would be judged by the other parents. The fear was there, but not until I examined it now, was it ever acknowledged. In the end, my fear poisoned my reponse to my sweetie. It leaked out. If I had been able to see my fear at being judged about the notes I would have had more choices. I would have seen the fear and perhaps realized that who I am is bigger than the feeling of being afraid. I might have realized that the fear would pass too and I might not have responded from such a conditioned place. After all, she had the larger community in mind whereas my attitude toward her was closed off and self involved. Fear can be like that especially if it is not acknowledged. When it is acknowledged fear has a kind of exhilarating quality to it but when it stagnates in one's pysche it can pollute one's actions.

What are we really afraid of? Often it is a phantom. Look deeply. Are you protecting an image of yourself like I was? It was important that I be seen as "competent". Its a way I try to define myself, but definitions of ourselves are poor substitutes for just being ourselves and sensing it through and through. Who would I be if I were not competent? Would I still exist? Who would I be if I were not smart, or funny or male, or female or fill in the blank? Unconditional love comes from knowing that you are worthy of love, that you are in fact love, when you are absolutely nothing at all. This is what we desire so deeply - love for no reason - just because. Why is it so important that the world know I am -- fill in the blank? I suspect its when I am not rooted in the deeper connection with everything that it matters whether I exhibit certain qualities that make me feel special. Its when I do not feel the specialness of simply existing that I am afraid that I need to be a certain way.

I would like to ask you, what makes you afraid and I would like your responses? Few people live fearlessly, so what situations, people, circumstances, or scenarios, or things in general make you afraid? Maybe posting a comment makes you afraid? Let's talk about our fears. I want to hear from you.

Human Beings

I know I am not the only who gets lost in the "doing" part of being human: one can substitute searching for a job, to working at a job, to taking care of your infant, to talking to a friend, to any task or anything we can "do" as humans. It is always easy to get carried away believing that accomplishing this particular thing will bring what is needed, but more important than doing anything is the state of consciousness from which it comes. Yes, it is true that I am looking for a job, but is it possible to look for a job and be present while doing it? Is it possible to do it from the flow of life, from a state of connectedness? What happens for me is that I simply remember that I am always "home" even if sometimes I get carried away by my life situation or its details. Love is all there is, so it is not possible --to not be home, but sometimes we forget that we are home and get carried away in thinking that we must get somewhere or that something must be accomplished.

The senses are way back home. They are a portal into remembering who we are. Can you occassionally bring your attention to the clickety clack of the keyboard keys as you type? Or the space between your thoughts as you try to come up with what to say? Can you be aware of the knife pressing into the onions as you chop them for tonight's meal? Can you be aware of the silent pauses when your friend is speaking? Can you feel the earth supporting your feet as you walk? Can you feel the beat of your own heart? Can you see the white space on the paper you are reading? Any of those sense "exercises" can give us pause and help us reconnect with the moment we are in. They can help us remember our true purpose is to fully be.

Similarly anything done with your whole being brings joy. Its because everything is meant to be loved. The world is meant to be a playground of love. It is all worthy of our love and so if we can truly "be" with anything, we will feel the love that is its essence.

How would you live your life if you really sensed deeply that everything really was one? What would be different about the way you lived?

Distractions

Lately, I have been distracted a lot. Although I have maintained a lazer like focus on my job search, I have been distracted from my true life purpose. You see my life's purpose is not the specifics of what I am doing so much, but maintaining a quality of consciousness while doing it. The job search has been consuming. I am approaching it as though it were a full time job, which requires my solid attention and dedication. It is important always to be present in the moments we have and in this I have been distracted. I have not smelled the roses along the way. The peace which is as near as my breath has eluded me simply because I have been too carried away with accomplishing my task.

The buddhists talk of mindfulness, Eckhart Tolle talks about not making the present moment into a means to an end, - they are one in the same -be where you are fully - in that lies your peace. For example, as I sit and write cover letters and search websites for jobs, our cat Aria sits beside me on the desk. Occasionally she will meow and get up, blocking the computer screen. It is never very long. She is simply stretching and asking for a nice pat. Rather than get frustrated that she is blocking the screen I could surrender to the the flow of life which seems to be asking of me in that moment -- take a few moments break.

Often however, I am distracted by the pressing task before me. I must get this done NOW. But is that really true? Too easily do I lose sight of enjoying the journey. You see, frustration is a sign that we are resisting life in that moment. My frustration at Aria comes from a story that I might not finish what I'm working on soon enough or that what I am doing won't be good enough. Fear is clearly trying to come in the backdoor - but are those thoughts true? Maybe they are, maybe they aren't.

My own awakening came with the insight that I did not have to believe even my own thoughts. That they too, just come and go and I don't need to attach to them. It is possible to simply breathe occassionally as the job search continues and to remind myself what a miracle life is. It only takes remembering. It only takes remembering that our true "purpose" is not anything we do, but who we are.